Friday "Funnies" Foolishness

Believe it or not, I do have definitive plans for this blog.  I even detailed them out to myself while sweating it out for an interview, this morning.  (It was a combo of nerves, and holding in a pee break, in case I wasn't in the waiting space for my name to be called.)  And one element I REALLY want to hold myself to on a consistently weekly basis is the "Friday 'Funnies' Foolishness".  It's a post day where I just want to take the mick out of an issue, a concept, or a character.  It could be taken as "comic nerd snarkiness", but I want every Friday to be about a concept in comics that I find good-naturedly ridiculous, and wish to expand upon it.  For my very first entry, I actually want to dedicate it to my good friend from the Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Comics Facebook group, Chris.  (I know he has his given name for the FB profile, but since this is a public blog, I do want to respect his privacy.  Besides, once he knows what the topic of this blog will be, he'll know EXACTLY who he is...  Heh!)  Chris has been a solid supporter of both my podcasting efforts in Action Attraction and in the briefly lived GGTMComics podcast.  (Both just on hiatus until I can actively afford Libsyn fees, again!) 

The genesis of today's post came up when Chris was a guest on the GGTMComics podcast.  I believe it was for his top-5 characters listing whereupon myself, and my fellow guests, were legitimately surprised by one particular nomination.  This then proceeded to much in-between joking about one somewhat... silly accessory certain characters had in the "grim 'n' gritty" 90's comics: metal arms.  If it wasn't insanely huge shoulder pads, or pouches on your costume where you could store your bullets, gas pellets, toenail clippings, stool samples... etc, you had to sport at least one metal arm to show how truly TOUGH and BAD you really were!  You also had to grimace a lot, because dudes with metal arms NEVER SMILE.  So, in tribute to Chris, I want to present to you my Top 5 Characters with Metal Arms list!

5. Cybrid

He only made a HANDFUL of appearances in Rob Liefeld's books.  I mean literally, you could probably count on one hand all of his appearances.  But my introduction to Cybrid was in "Extreme Comics #0".  I kinda remember the story dealing with him fighting ninjas... as you are want to do in a Liefeld story.  But while he's on the lower tier of the list, it's not due to metal arm mastery.  He did sport two metal arms that not only could sprout guns, but ALSO had a Dhalsem stretchy ability!  Not bad for a guy who didn't appear all that much!

4. Kane

AKA The other character from the Canadian Weapon X program that wasn't Deadpool or Wolverine, and that probably only a handful of people even know this character, and probably 2 of those people are MASSIVE fans of him.  (Hey, he at LEAST had 2 action figures put out by Toy Biz!)  I hold him actually closer to a window of time in the X-Force book, but I do remember he figured somewhat regularly in Cable.  So what was he able to do with his magic extensions?  Well, his metal arms could spring helicopter-ish blades at the wrists to create a nasty cutting weapon.  I believe he also had some form of blasters hidden in his arm.  BUT, in his first appearance in "X-Force #2", battling against Deadpool, he was given his best-known metal arm feature; being able to launch his fists like a Japanese giant robot.  ... Yeah, I'm sure the Shogun Warriors are still nervous about Kane overtaking their place in pop culture...

3. Stryker

You didn't expect this list to be ALL Liefeld-based, did you?  These next two entries do showcase that other creators from the 90's did subscribe to the theory that metal arms made the MAN!  Case in point: Mark Silvestri's leader of both Cyberforce and Code Name: Stryke Force, Stryker!  I did place him squarely in the middle, because admittedly his metal arms didn't have any special features.  At least as far as I remember in my reading of those books.  (Top Cow comics never really were on the top of my reading priorities, anyways.)  BUT, what he might lack in quality, he made up for in QUANTITY.  Check it out: 3... count them... T-H-R-E-E metal arms on the right side of his body.  Nobody else on the list went so off-kilter as to say they not only needed multiple metal arms, but they all needed to be on one side of his body!  As I recall, Stryker was also a solid shot with all... four... of his arms.

2. Super-Patriot

I admit I did place this Erik Larsen creation above Stryker mostly for favoritism reasons.  Larsen's "Savage Dragon" universe had a LOT of really interesting characters, and it was a title I followed for years.  But Super-Patriot gets a fairly solid lead in the listing, due to his interesting backstory, his general longevity in the Highbrow universe.  (Not only did he put in guest shots for Savage Dragon, he also had his own mini-series, appeared in the team book Freak Force, AND I even remember him guesting in a 3 issue arc in "Youngblood: Strike Files".  ... Guess I can't even escape Liefeld with this entry.)  Not only does Super-Patriot sport the twin metal arms, which also change into a multitude of firearm attachments, they also had telescopic properties.  As if that wasn't enough, dude had METAL LEGS.  That could ALSO extend and create weapons.  If you can't just be happy with metal arms, may as well go with the entire appendage package...

1. Cable

Is he as flashy as the earlier entrants?  Maybe not.  But without Cable, we wouldn't have characters sporting metal limbs... PERIOD.  That bouncing baby boy of Scott Summers and Jean Grey had to come back through time, and pick up a techno-organic virus to show us fashion-lacking people just how great a metal arm can really accentuate your look.  I also recall his metal arm could be a handy storage space for supplies, and it could interface with technology, if need be!  Plus, just being the first major character to really make metal limbs something of a desired feature EARNS you the right to be the top of the list!