Friday, August 22, 2014

Friday "Funnies" Foolishness: The Rain In Spain Is A Pain For Miss Lane

One thing people could've taken me to task for about this past weekend's Comic Couples/Anniversary Tribute to my Girlfriend is not including one of comicdom's most iconic pairings.  There's a reason why I intentionally left it excluded.  I associate the two characters as a relationship, sure, but for them to become a couple, we have to look at two separate eras, and two separate EARTHS.  I chose to highlight... for my reading experiences... one key period for the two characters for today's "goofy" entry.  And it was all to be featured in a title about the FEMININE half of the equation!
Let me clarify the previous comment: before the first "Crisis", Clark Kent and Lois Lane DID tie the knot... but that all took place on Earth 2.  Y'know, the Earth that exists in the same dimension as ours, but separated by different vibrational patterns to ensure they can exist at the same time without destroying each other.  Because our primary Earth 1 Clark and Lois could NEVER get married, right?  ... THANKFULLY the post-"Crisis" Superman's reality allowed for our primary Clark and Lois to tie the knot without maintaining hard-wired "established statuses" for our characters.  Before that first "Crisis", on our reality, Lois Lane had a... complicated relationship with Clark Kent.  Complicated by the fact that she was OBSESSED with Superman, and proving Clark was Superman.  But Clark was DEAD-SET on not forming any relationships, in fear of "villains striking out at the ones he loved".  (AKA COMMITMENT WIMP.)  But "Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane" offered many twists to the bizarre love triangle of Clark/Lois/Superman.  And they often feature very WEIRD moments of characterization.

Take the "Giant" issue I posted a picture of.  One MAJOR highlight story for outright bizarreness involves "Lois Lane, The Hag".  It centers around a con man who claims to have found the fountain of youth, and various celebrities "attesting" to the legitimacy of the "fountain" claim.  But inexplicably the con men possess an aging formula to make the young elderly.  Lois gets splashed with this GENUINE formula, and is rapidly aged.  To the point where NO ONE recognizes her, because she used to be so "young and beautiful".  Oh, sure... It's one thing when Perry White can't recognize you, and thinks you're just the "new janitor" of the Daily Planet.  But it's another when Lana Lang realizes what happens to you, and sets up a surprise party to rub in YOUR face how "ancient" you've become, by putting the moves on Superman.  Sigh... But Lois awakens to find it was all a "dream", and she was just knocked unconscious.  Superman STILL has eyes for Lois... but will NOT grow attached to her in ANY romantic fashion... and the de-aging scheme is uncovered.  The Silver Age of Superman was just OVERFLOWING with human kindness.

In that same giant issue, we are also treated to a story that features Lois Lane being exposed to an intelligence-heightening machine, and becoming an "advanced intelligence" being.  You can tell because she has a GIGANTIC melon.  (Forget the fact that she just lacks hair and has a "five-head" instead of a forehead.  She STILL LOOKS AS LOVELY AS EVER!  But of course, that noggin... The picture of grotesquery...)  The solution isn't as easy in this story as it was for the previous example, because Lois has to wait for the effects of the intelligence increase to fade off.  But what she DOES learn is that Superman really didn't mind the change.  And to think she went out of her way to hide her dome MULTIPLE times to "avoid horrifying other people".  All I'm saying, Lois, is Karen Gillan shaved fully bald for her turn as Nebula in "Guardians of the Galaxy", and she was NOT any less attractive!
How about the time that Lois Lane turned into a horse, when a vengeful apprentice to Circe cursed Lois to spite his TRUE enemy... Comet the Super-Horse, who for certain lunar cycles, can transform back to his human form?  Or, during the course of this already existing insanity, Lois-Horse begins to fall for Comet the Super-Horse?  OR, how about the fact that in another title, Supergirl already started falling HARD for COMET... THE SUPER-HORSE THAT WOULD OCCASIONALLY TURN INTO A HUMAN?!?  Usually the Silver Age is regarded... especially for DC Comics... as a straight-laced and streamlined take on super heroes.  With tales like what Lois Lane dived into, it makes me wonder if maybe her creators weren't finding... let's just say "added inspiration".  Need further proof?  Let's tackle one of the most noted issues of "Lois Lane" to ever be published.
This particular has been often discussed at length... most recently in the PBS miniseries, "Superheroes".  This issue is definitely a case of "noble intentions", and it tried to tackle the issue of racism during the late 60's/early 70's.  But you also cannot shake the concept of this only being a temporary "gimmick" for Lois Lane.  Personally, this was a right step in the relevance direction for DC, but the issue would be tackled MUCH better in the coming Dennis O'Neil/Neal Adams "Green Lantern and Green Arrow" run.  But still, I'd venture that it may be the MOST reprinted issue of "Lois Lane", so it earned that touchstone.  (And for the record, to answer Lois' key question to Superman, Kal-El may have waffled the relationship-if-she-were-African American question, but I wouldn't have cared about skin color in the least.  I KNOW it wasn't a big deal for Clark, but still... Falling on the old "I can't start a relationship with ANYONE because of the danger they're put in being associated with me" excuse is L to the A to the M to the E.)
At least that previous issue was the beginning of DC handling relevant issues in a sensitive manner.  I give them credit for that.  But issues of race are weighty manners for the 1960's.  Talking about issues of WEIGHT... Well, according to comics, "Fat People Are Funny"!  Yes, there was a storyline where Lois was "cursed" with enhanced girth.  Ugh... If you're a person that's struggling with their weight, I would advise you to avoid this issue like the plague.  My description of the "Elderly Lois" story makes that aforementioned tale seems like a sensitive exploration of the elderly.  This particular story just takes the mick out of being "less than fit" for EVERY DROP.  Because Lois is "so miserable" being overweight, and the world she lives in just hates "fat people".  No.  Just no.  (And besides, curvy women are AWESOME!  Yes, this is public record!)

I don't know about you, but I think we need a breather from all this insanity.  How about, for tomorrow, we just relax and take a ride... In something... Hmm...


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