Friday "Funnies" Foolishness: Top 5 Comic Simians

This weekend, I'm fairly certain most of my blog readers will be heading to their local theaters to catch the opening weekend release of "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes".  I know that my lady and I aim to either make this weekend a viewing trip, or at the very least, head out next weekend.  Regardless, seeing that film will be the end result.  Now, aside from various "Planet of the Apes" comic adaptations, I wanted to attempt something different for today's FFF entry, tying into such a weighty genre-related movie.  Thankfully, the comic book world does not fail me.  Hell, for most of the 50's and 60's, DC ALONE provided us with a wealth of simian superstars in our comics for us to enjoy.  Because as everyone knows, a book with a monkey SELLS!  So I wanted to present you with my top five "Super Simians" listing for the launching day of "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"!  Keep in mind this list is purely subjective: you may have other nominations that you feel are better, or options you feel I forgot.  (For example, reading the debut issue of Black Orchid in "Adventure Comics", this morning, I noted an ad for "Angel and the Ape".  Not ONCE did I consider that character for this list until this very moment!)  Also, today's list is a bit light on Marvel entries, but bear in mind Marvel didn't really tap the monkey market for their superhero universe to the fullest.  So, before the top five begins in earnest, let me spotlight one jerk that THOUGHT he could get into the listing.  Consider this public shaming...

Dishonorable Mention: Man Ape- For years I've never really grew attached to this character.  Sure, his costume gives him the "mystic attributes" of the ape, such as strength and speed... But c'mon... T'Challa deserved MUCH better as a threat for the Black Panther's solo title.  And I'll just up and say it about the costume; it looks bloody ridiculous.  So nice attempt, Man Ape, but only GENUINE apes are allowed into today's entry.  Now feel free to fade back into comics obscurity, once more...

5. Detective Chimp

Combine the deductive reasoning of Sherlock Holmes, the wit and attitude of a continental op... and the physique of Lancelot Link, and you result in Detective Chimp.  Now granted, I know NOTHING of his past in either the first pre-Crisis period, or previous to "Infinite Crisis", but I grew attached to the character with his involvement in the search for Doctor Fate's helmet, and his participation in the "Shadowpact" team.  Plus, Chimpie made enough of a cultural impact to have appeared in an opening segment of "Batman: The Brave and the Bold".  Not bad for a deerskin cap wearing simian super sleuth!

4. Titano

The main reason why Titano ranks above Detective Chimp is due to my actually being more familiar with the character in various iterations.  From his comic appearances as an unfortunate chimp mutated by space rays into a giant ape that had... no joke... Kryptonite vision powers, to cartoon appearances in the 60's, 80's, AND 90's.  It just pays dividends to be an ape that, while not being a repeat offender in his rogues' gallery, is STILL a presence in Superman's threat history.  (And for the record, that Titano episode of "Superman: The Animated Series" was probably the most repeated episode for my syndication viewing of the show.  Seriously, it felt like that episode was aired every-other-day, along with the "Prometheus" episode!)

3. Monsieur Mallah

It's not enough to be an intelligent ape with a Francoise heritage.  It's also not enough that said ape is a master of armed combat... and sports a wicked bullet bandoleer.  No, when said Monsieur Mallah forms a life-long semi... or wholly... romantic relationship with a brain inside of a robot skull head unit, that's when the magic truly happens.  I'd dare say the pairing of Monsieur Mallah and The Brain established them as the best known devilish duo of Doom Patrol's history, and their appeal even carried them over to other teams and crossover events!  (I remember fondly when they formed the Brotherhood of Evil to tackle the New Teen Titans, as the best example of their cross pollination.)

2. The Mandrill

A mutant that shares the physical attributes of the mammal he shares his namesake with, Mandrill is a villain that basically lives the dream for all us "comic nerds".  For his unique appearance is not his sole mutation heritage.  His key power is the ability to release a pheromone that causes all women in the surrounding area to fall under his will.  Yes, even heroines could not resist the sexual scent that Mandrill exudes.  What a life to have a power to have the ladies flock to your every word and command.  Mandrill exemplifies the term "big pimping".  (And his sister, Neraka, is MIGHTY hot in her own right.  Thankfully, Mandrill isn't so twisted that he uses his power to "keep it in the family".)

1. Gorilla Grodd

Like there was any question as to who was tops.  The Flash granted us the hidden Gorilla City.  The Flash also introduced us to the nobility of King Solivar.  But those elements would be forgotten if it weren't for the supreme villainy of Gorilla Grodd.  Physically imposing, and possessing mental powers that do include control over focused subjects, Grodd has become a truly iconic DC villain.  He's crossed paths with nearly EVERY hero in the universe, and to showcase his staying power, he even lasted into the New 52 influence... and REMAINED a great villain with very little change.  Grodd, don't ever change, and keep going "ape" on the forces of justice in the DC Universe!