Five Villains That Will Leave You Feeling... Ahem... "Thor"

I'm still stewing a little bit over a health insurance premium issue I had, today, but I won't waste overlong precious space discussing it for the blog.  I'll just hope a VERY measured phone conversation will help resolve that issue, come tomorrow.  ... If various elements at work don't "harsh my mellow".  So, off to the blog entry, proper!

And today's entry comes from a VERY unusual inspiration!  People that know me, and have discussed the topic with me, know that I was REALLY not much of a fan of the first season of "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D".  I tried the first three episodes of the story, and just felt that it didn't have much to offer that was different from standard network Adventure offerings.  Even the Marvel Universe elements felt VERY far removed.  I've heard-tell that the first season REALLY did improve, over time, and the Marvel Universe spices were thrown around more liberally.  But to get through that, I'd have to deal with those... and these are my opinions... boring "attractive" hacker, REALLY annoying "quirky" scientists, and generic "tough" strong types.  My patience only goes so far for media that I have well-established in my mind as being "not entertaining". 

Imagine my shock when not only do I happen to stick around for the second season premiere of "Agents", but I actually kind of LIKED it!  Not enough to want to follow the rest of the season, but also there was enough good-will to not want to sigh and mess around with another entertainment source on the side.  So what kept me from bypassing this particular episode?  Why, a certain prominent appearance by one of my favorite "Thor" villains in the episode!  Of course, from what I was able to gather, the connective thread between this character and the one I KNOW exists in the comics with Thor's half-brother, Loki, was not mentioned in the episode.  But hey, it's still early in the show, so I assuming they're keeping that character element a mystery.  (I'm also guessing they're keeping the actor playing this particular character's voice a mystery, too.  In the comics...  and later for this entry... the character is a bit of a LOUD-MOUTH.  So having him be "silent and violent" for "Agents" was a bit of a buzzkill.)  And that appearance made me realize I've not discussed much about the Son of Odin, and some of my personal favorite threats the God of Thunder has faced in his career.  Floodgates: consider yourself open, and all because of a random television show screening!

The Destroyer- Granted, this living weapon had its moment in the media sun with the first "Thor" feature film, but I cannot help but enjoy this living engine of destruction!  The Destroyer armor first appeared in "Journey Into Mystery #118", where it was in intended to be a weapon created by Odin to thwart a menace from the stars.  How the Destroyer armor works is if a deity... or even a living being... can transmit its spirit into the Destroyer armor, they can possess the power of the armor.  Once in possession of the armor, the Destroyer has the power to best even a GOD!  Its metal plating can withstand even the impact of the Uru metal that forms Thor's mallet piece of the hammer.  This makes the Destroyer armor custom-made for fisticuffs with a mighty opponent!  This is also enhanced by the Destroyer cannot be exhausted in a conflict, so it takes a licking and keeps on ticking.  But not everything is COMPLETELY hands-on for the Destroyer: from its helmet visor, it is capable of projecting various beams of various strengths.  (The standard rules for comics is whatever the story requires the Destroyer to project... THERE. YOU. GO.)  What makes the Destroyer so entertaining for me for its appearances is that, like pretty much ALL of my Thor villain nominations, it's a creation that can provide a deity-being a physical challenge, and these often lead to entertaining brawling-festivals for Thor to endure for a few multi-issue storylines!  Also, the Destroyer has a "Terminator" element to it, being an unstoppable "machine" of destruction.

Enchantress and Executioner- Okay, okay... Lemme look at the Asgardian birth certificates.  I apologize, I mean to mention their birth-names, Amora and Skurge.  This was almost one of comicdom's first "spite couples", and first began menacing Thor in "Journey Into Mystery #103".  Amora LOVED leading Skurge on, and Skurge lived to make Amora love HIM!  Sadly, this mistress of the Norse mystic arts... trained by Karnilla... only had eyes for the Thunder "Goldilocks".  But until his dying moment... and indeed, as far as I can tell, Skurge has REMAINED deceased since his fall in action against the Dark Elves in an 80's "Thor" storyline... Skurge just would NOT stop trying to prove himself to Amora!  So what makes this odd-coupling so unique to my tastes?  There's the appeal of the seductive evil of the Enchantress... not just to Thor, but to ANY aspect of the Marvel Universe she decides is an obstacle to her ambitions.  (She was even integral to the creation of one of my favorite Marvel heroines, the Valkyrie!)  But the Enchantress is not just solely sex-appeal: she carries with her the mastership of Norse magical powers!  And being part Asgardian and part Frost Giant, the Executioner can give a character of Thor's power levels a serious physical challenge.  It also doesn't hurt that his oft-carried double-headed axe contains magical abilities, such as creating dimensional rifts, and being able to project fire and ice-based attacks!  As for them as a deadly duo, yet ONE MORE positive mark in the Enchantress and Executioner "frenemy" relationship is they were recruits in the second Masters of Evil that Baron Zemo formed!

Ulik- Surely the Trolls of Asgard weren't going to just sit around being cannon-fodder for Odin's crew to fling about in a conflict!  No, they needed their OWN powerhouse dynamo!  Well, in "Thor #137", Ulik the Rock Troll decided to predate the catch-phrase of the People's Champ, The Rock... HEY!!!... and surface from his subterranean realm to layeth the smackdown on Odin's bouncing blonde baby boy!  Since Trolls don't need much of an excuse to get a "mad-on" for ANY Asgardian, having one as powerful as Ulik, who can trade blows with Thor without being overmatched, evened the odds for the much put-upon "wicked" race of Asgard.  But as if this wild-maned and mutton-chopped Troll bruiser wasn't awesome enough for his sheer physical prowess, he ALSO has infra-red vision abilities, due to his underground heritage.  And you have GOT to give it up for a certified "super villain" that basically uses a twin-set of mystic BRASS KNUCKLES as his primary weapons!  SERIOUSLY!  If Ulik was any more predating the defense fads of the 1980's, he would also carry a butterfly knife and a throwing star!  The Trolls may have no friends on Asgard, but whenever Ulik shows up with his Rock Troll posse, he has a friend in me!

The Wrecker- Dirk Garthwaite... and with a name like that, you HAVE to become evil, or an accountant... started off life as an irritable construction worker that was fired for his bad temper.  Does he do the semi-sensible thing, and perform a job search for a locale that WANTS a permanently peeved violent individual for employment?  (Like maybe Wendy's?)  NO!  He decides to create his own costume... STOP SNICKERING AT IT!!!... and become a thief.  His first hot spot?  A random hotel room that a depowered Loki was using to communicate with Karnilla to regain his mystic abilities.  Dirk decides to knock Loki on the noggin, and receives Asgardian magic channeled into his crowbar in "Thor #148"  So... Anything Thor's hammer can do, Wrecker's crowbar can do!  Throw the crowbar?  Comes right back to the Wrecker!  Needs added power?  Well... Thor is already naturally powerful, but the Wrecker receives his immeasurable physical power from his crowbar!  (It also makes him bulletproof, as well!)  So, with the Wrecker, you have ANOTHER character that presents a physical threat to Thor, but he also serves as a mortal mirror to Thor's genesis!  What also makes the Wrecker unique is that he's the ONLY villain on my list that formed his own team of threats!  The Wrecking Crew consists of the leadership of the Wrecker, the ball-and-chain menace of Thunderball, the Juggernaut-esque skill sets of Bulldozer, and...eh... the generic powerhouse-ness of Piledriver.  (Sorry, but Piledriver was ALWAYS the one member of the Wrecking Crew that puzzled me about his specific power set!  It's like he's just there to make the team an even four members for a bowling league tournament, or something.)  Another major difference that the Wrecker possesses above the other villains of Thor for this list is he's EASILY the most versatile for crossover potential.  Name a Marvel hero, and you can practically GUARANTEE the Wrecker has fought him or her at a given time!  Maybe this makes Dirk the "Kevin Bacon" of Marvel villainy!  (And yes, the Wrecker also possesses a Masters of Evil pedigree.  What makes his TRULY special was his involvement in the EPIC "Under Siege" storyline in "Avengers", where Earth's Mightiest Heroes faced their most dire near-defeat in the 1980's!)

Absorbing Man- Remember that character I mentioned appearing in "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D" that made me actually WATCH an episode of that series?  A character I was hoping with ALL hope would figure into the "Thor" cinematic sequel?  Lemme talk about this guy named Carl "Crusher" Creel, who first appeared in "Journey Into Mystery #114".  A former boxer, turned criminal... I, for the life of me CANNOT remember how he ended up in jail... was hand-picked by Loki, for SOME reason, to be the physical arm of his hatred towards Thor.  So Loki slipped a mystic "mickey" into a cup of water Creel drinks in jail, and this additive grants Creel with the ability to absorb ANYTHING he touches.  Finding out this ability can do WONDERS for a jail break, he manages to escape.  But while Creel often talks a big game, as a bruiser would, he would often need direction from Loki for the REAL reason why he was granted his absorbing powers: beat Thor up REAAAL GOOD!  Later, it just becomes a matter of personal rivalry for Creel to show up those hoity-toity Asgardians in general.  What makes Creel unique is that he really CAN absorb anything he sees fit to absorb!  I remember one of his earlier appearances involved him touching Thor's hammer, and being able to absorb the abilities of Mjolnir!  Another conflict, with the Hulk, involved Creel touching the Gamma Giant... NOT INAPPROPRIATELY... and absorbing that irradiated impact!  So Creel is multi-faceted to how he can strategize a battle with any given Marvel hero!  Probably to Executioner's envy, Absorbing Man was EVEN able to hold down a relationship!  But then again, when you couple up with a super-powered villainess named Titania, and you're ALREADY a super-powered criminal, it's not so strange a union.  And the Absorbing Man has left enough of an impression on the Marvel Universe that he's NOW a part of a television series!  Not bad for a big lug who was formerly cooling his heels in a cell-block!

Comic Books... Come Out To PLAY-AY!!!

If I'm not careful, this blog could transmute into a "gripe about my work week" writing exercise on the weekend.  I'll keep it fairly simple, and say while I'm giving my best and all to my current job, I am REALLY crossing my fingers and attempting for something less physically and mentally strenuous.  And while I'm glad to help a friend of mine celebrate her wedding, later tonight, there's a small... selfish... part of me that wishes I would've just passed on the invite so my girlfriend and I could just LOUNGE ABOUT, tonight.  Sigh...  Oh well, one thing I SHOULD start doing on the weekends is, while writing blog entries, I should also start scheduling blog entries for following weekends.  This weekends' subjects were REALLY haphazardly selected after one particularly exhausting day on the job, since it's becoming more and more difficult to get some brainstorming time/energy during the working week.  I'll see what comes to mind for next weekend, tomorrow!  But thankfully, I had a few tricks up my sleeve for this weekend.  But before you read today's entry... Do you have any spare quarters on hand?  You might need them for extra credits...

I've sort of touched upon this subject during my coverage of the X-Men animated pilot, "Pryde of the X-Men".  Namely how that particular animated pilot served as basis for a future Konami arcade brawler.  It feels, sometimes, like as soon as the proper dawn of the arcade/video game market hit its stride, it was only a matter of time that the settings of comic books would be integrated into the entertainment medium!  I remember one of the earliest comic-related games I was exposed to was Nintendo's "Popeye" cabinet.  (HEY!  It was a comic strip!  IT.  STILL.  COUNTS!)  For a stretch of time, it felt like super-hero adaptations were more planned out for home consoles, as various advertisements I've seen in comics showcased with Atart versions of "Spider-Man" and "Superman".  (I'd recommend if you wish to see these games in action, check out the Angry Video Game Nerd retrospectives about these characters' video game histories on Youtube.  Educational, entertaining... and it gives you GREAT cursing combinations to use in real-life!)  But technology advanced nicely for our four-colored heroes to receive their own upright arcade consoles to suck away our time... and BUCKETS of quarters... like Count Dracula would go to town at a sorority party!  I present to you my history of experiences with Comic Book Arcade Games!

Superman- A year before "Batmania" swept the globe in 1989, Taito Corporation decided to collaborate with DC Comics to give us the side-scrolling beat-em-up adventures of the Man of Steel to the arcade!  "Superman" may be seen as somewhat "generic" to current gamers... because it's not like their muddy-colored first-person-shooters are WIDELY VARIED, in turn... but for YEARS it was probably one of the most effective Superman adaptations to the video game medium.  I would dare argue against ANYONE that for all this game's weaknesses, this is STILL WAAAY better than the Nintendo and Nintendo 64 "Superman" titles.  The game falls into two types of gameplay styles: side-scrolling fighting, and side/above view scrolling shooting.  Superman, as a character... along with his eerily-Captain Marvel-colored second-player avatar... displays multiple powers to use in the fight against crime.  They can punch and kick foes into digital afterlife, and if you hold the punch button down, Superman can apparently launch a... Hadouken energy attack?  (Er... WHAT?)  Superman and a second-player CAN freely hover and fly during any given stage, even discounting the flying levels.  The flying levels, specifically, highlight the heat-vision beams to use against flying enemies.  The graphics for the game are pretty nice and colorful for the time period, and even a digital version of the John Williams "Superman March" is enough to give you a boost to want to kick some major BUTT!  But like all games of the time period, it can become repetitive over time if this isn't your style of gaming.  Another hindrance is the lack of familiar villains to fight against.  I recall there is some weird version of Brainiac for the main villain of the game, and I THINK Toyman shows up for a level, but no Lex Luthor... No Bizarro.  Still, for some of the game's hordes, you get to battle pink bunny women with blue boots, and NICE... er... "powers".  What else do you need in life?!?

Spider-Man- SEGA had a pretty healthy relationship with Marvel Comics for most of the early 90's for game publishing.  They managed to publish MULTIPLE games based off of Marvel's two hottest properties: the X-Men and Spider-Man.  (For the former, those games manifested themselves into 2 titles for the Sega Genesis, and I BELIEVE about 3 titles for the Sega Game Gear.  The latter snagged the company one title each for the Genesis, Sega CD, and... if you were like me and CRAZY enough to own one, Sega 32-X.)  But Spidey-Senses could freely tingle in a very unique arcade game from the early 90's!  In a way, it somewhat mirrors the gameplay mechanics of the aforementioned "Superman" title.  One format of gaming was the popular "Double Dragon" multi-tiered combination brawling game, while the other was a side-scrolling semi-shooter/brawler gaming style.  But unlike "Superman", you had your choice of crime-fighting avatars to take into action!  The game featured, for selectable characters:

• The friendly-neighborhood Spider-Man
• The curvaceous Black Cat
• The braggable bowman, Hawkeye (Whom I don't RECALL showing up too much as a Spidey guest star, but hey... WHATEVER!)
• The squishable Namor the Sub-Mariner (Okay, so Subby DID guest star with Spidey more than a few times, but... Him as a selectable character?  Sure?)

Another difference for this game, compared to "Superman" is a CHERRY-PICKED listing of familiar Spider-Man baddies to do battle with as main bosses!  (You also have to trade fisticuffs with LEGIONS of what appear to be Hellfire Club guard members!)

Doctor Doom do be the mastermind of the collection of foul felons for this game, but check out the list of villains you do battle against as level bosses!  All valid classic Spider-Man villains representing for character histories.  Two of the more modern additions to the rogues' gallery, because this IS the 90's we're in, are Hobgoblin... and probably MORE telling for the time, Venom.  As a fan of "Double Dragon"-form brawlers, I give this game a solid pass.  The comic-book presentation of level transitions and storytelling are ALSO very neat.  But I will concede one MAJOR weakness of the game: it is FAR too long!  A brawler that lasts more than an hour to play, even I can find rather exhausting!  But if you have the chance to give this game a try, by all means do not let it pass you by!

Captain America and the Avengers- Data East had their success with the brawling market.  (Have we already forgotten the heroic campaign to rescue President Reagan from the Dragon Ninja clan, to later share a burger with, in "Bad Dudes"?)  So with such success to their credit, the company combined with Marvel Comics to bring together some of Earth's Mightiest Heroes in an EPIC crusade against the Red Skull... and other villains... in "Captain America and the Avengers"!  And who did Jarvis the Butler nominate for this grand adventure in multi-tiered brawling, with ANOTHER mix of side-scrolling shooting action?

• The Star-Spangled Sentinel of Liberty, Captain America!
• Tony Stark, who makes you feel, he's a cool exec, with a heart of steel, Iron Man!
• A REPEAT performance from the Ace Archer, Hawkeye!  (Geez, did Clint Barton have stock in the video game industry?)
• The Android Dynamo, Vision.  (Alas, not the classic yellow-and-green with some red mixed in.  We get the cream-colored clean-slate of a character from the then-current continuity.  It would have been REAL nice to see a selectable female character for the game, like maybe then-current member Black Widow.)

But those are NOT the only Avengers repping in the game!  Assisting you as power-up delivery characters are Quicksilver and the Wasp!  And aside from battling HORDES of robots and power-suited thugs, you also face off against some of Marvel's most sinister criminals!  Some that come to mind are Whirlwind, Klaw, the Living Laser, the Grim Reaper, a "VERSION" of the Juggernaut... Hell, even the X-Men let the Avengers borrow a SENTINEL to battle against for a shooting level!  One other neat addition for the side-scrolling shooting levels includes non-flying characters Captain America and Hawkeye freely using the Avengers-standard flying transports for their aerial combat!  And all of these struggles lead to a space battle against that dastardly remnant of the Fourth Reich, the Red Skull!

I feel that, compared to Sega's "Spider-Man", this particular game doesn't overstay its welcome with UNBELIABLE gameplay length.  Your selectable Avengers also make sense to the time-period the game was released in.  For a fun quarter-sucker brawling/shooting game, you can't do much better than "Captain America and the Avengers".  (You ALSO have to play this game for the "killer" audio samples that are present for the game dialogue.  Yeah... They're that memorable!)  But in case you cannot gain access to an arcade version of the game, the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo have you covered with home versions of the game to sample!

X-Men: Children of the Atom- Capcom, by this point of this game's release, had probably released 20 of their 100 versions of "Street Fighter 2".  So obviously, they were no slouches for the one-on-one fighter game genre.  Before the "Marvel VS. Capcom" legacy was launched, Marvel decided to give Capcom a test-shot with the "Street Fighter" tournament treatment for their "Merry Mutants", the X-Men!  Thankfully the story for this game is thinly constructed, so all you need to know is this: You pick a character, you fight everyone else on your way up the ladder to the final boss, Magneto.  But while the aforementioned games had a bit more of a "story progression", this game makes up for with fighting style depth.  "Street Fighter 2" had, in its 51st update by this time, refined its combo system, and "Children of the Atom" had only elaborated on this fighting style.  So, who are your selectable combatants to place against your foes... and even fellow TEAMMATES?

On the X-Men side of things, we have:

• Current jerk of the Marvel Universe, the master of the optic blast, Cyclops.
• A character I REALLY need to level up more in "Marvel Ultimate Alliance" on the PSP to make my girlfriend's selected team actually last in fights, the mistress of weather supremacy, Storm.
• He's cool as ice, the Iceman!
• We go from one alien "Man of Steel" to a former Soviet "Man of Steel", Colossus.
• Mistress of psychic powers, and maintainer of a very uncomfortable pair of panties, Psylocke.
• Of course... This being an X-Men game, we HAVE to have Wolverine.  DUH!

Magneto wouldn't be playable until the home version of the game, but shoring up the arcade version of the dark side of genetic mutations, we have:

• Six-armed bundle of lovely assassin fun, Spiral!
• Perennial honorable jobber of the Marvel Universe, Silver Samurai!
• 90's "hot button" character, the possessor of the carbonium coils, Omega Red!
• Mutants good and not-so-good have to watch out for a representative of the robotic "gene cleansers", the Sentinel!

For my last stop in Comic Book Arcade Blends, "X-Men: Children of the Atom" plays the most "modern" of the listing of games.  It also doesn't hurt that pretty much ALL of the Capcom "Street Fighter" style games hold up strongly after nearly 20+ years of existence.  The arcade experience of the game was not to be forgotten... even if I could NEVER remember how to pull off any of the character's moves.  (I believe, just for sheer natural combo nature, I would often select Spiral, because even her basic attacks involved multiple hits.)  But if you wanted to play this at home, the Sony PlayStation and the Sega Saturn had your back.  I've often heard the latter was FAR superior to the former version of the game.  If the comment about lack of load times was true, then I HAVE to agree, because the loading segments of the PSX version of the game were PRETTY unbearable!  So hopefully you still have some change for some comic purchases after that trip to the arcade!

Books That Are Easy To Digest

No personal life ramblings, for today.  It's kind of hard to elaborate on a Saturday where I suspect I caught a splinter of a virus from my girlfriend, who caught it earlier this week.  Thankfully all it left me with was a bubbling stomach, and crazy sinus issues.  Nothing worse than that, as of yet!  And yesterday's choice of topic was rather calculated, because after this difficult week, if I was going to end another weekend of posting for this blog, I wanted to give it a proper high-note.  And what better way than to tackle a book format that SOLIDIFIED my love for comics in my early teens, despite the trends and fashions of books around that time frame.  What's even better is that these books you could LITERALLY fit into a large-ish pocket to read ANYWHERE!

DC Comics wasn't a "spring chicken" to the digest format game when they launched their "Best of Blue Ribbon" line in 1979, to offer up some store shelf competition to those Riverdale Teenagers.  The company not only had a rough digest program featuring "Tarzan" reprints in 1972, but they also produced black-and-white standard paperback collections of some of their superhero titles in 1977.  That called for VERY awkward formatting of stories; panels were clipped, so that you had 1-2 panels of a story per page.  (And the only book I own from this paperback line was a "World's Finest" collection.  I know two of the three stories featured in that were a tale of Bruce Wayne supposedly being the REAL "Superman" of the team, and a battle against the STELLAR villain, Moonman.)  But from 1979 to 1986, DC Comics ran WILD with the Archie Comics formula, producing two separate digest lines, and since they were SUPER cheap when I started visiting comic stores... and you all know well my love for large-page count comics... I knew I had to start collecting these books!  Some of them were pretty fun to read, some were... eh... there.  (Owning the VERY last issue of "Adventure Comics" is not exactly a great mark, considering the book ended on a bunch of very tepid reprints.)  But today I wanted to bring up a few digests that had left a definitive impression on me, even about 20 years removed from purchasing some of them!

Blue Ribbon Digest #11: I've talked about this particular story in one of my earlier blogs, in that this detailed one of the most famed crossovers of the Justice League of America with the Justice Society of America, in search of the Seven Soldiers of Victory, to save humanity.  I mean, that cover copy is near IMPOSSIBLE to resist!  I've often heard podcasters talk about team books being their comic "gateway", because instead of reading a book featuring one singular superhero, you can buy a book that features MANY heroes at once!  Well... Can you beat three comic issues that featured 33 TOTAL SUPERHEROES?!?  Sometimes the DC Digests operated in this rough "trade paperback" fashion, reprinting an entire story from multiple issues, and those were special occasions.  To round out the page count, they did also reprint the first appearance of the Tornado Tyrant, who would have ties to Red Tornado... who sacrifices his android body for this story.  (It's not a spoiler, because he DOES get rebuilt... and if memory serves me right, it's within a publishing year of this three-parter!)  So, not only do you get a prelude tale for our noble Mr. Roboto, you ALSO get a three-issue epic!  Totally worth every penny.

Blue Ribbon Digest #14: Batman books are sort of a "gimme" for any comic fan's reading options.  Granted, Superman was sort of THE headliner of the DC Digest line, but Batman was no slouch for the pocket book approach.  I believe this one earned many years of my favoritism, because not only did it give me some solid Batman adventures to read, but those very tales were dedicated to five of his noted villains, ALONG with a one-page origin story for his rogues following each story.  Some were, admittedly, weird choices.  (Those Riddler and Catwoman stories are kind of wet squibs.)  But I appreciated the unusual pick of a Joker story that WASN'T the standard Neal Adams/Marshall Rogers interpretation.  (It also had the cool gimmick of having Batman fighting off the effects of Joker's laughing gas.)  And it's not like we're cheated of Adams/Rogers material, because they're attached to the Two-Face and Penguin stories.  Also, for added fun in this collection, in the middle of the book, there is a double-page spread (Hello, Wendi!) featuring the then-total of Batman's rogues gallery, and back inside cover photo reference guide to their names.  This book was a GREAT mixed-bag offering of Batman's conflicts with his repeat offenders!

Blue Ribbon Digest #8: I may, or may not, be correct in my assumption that this issue was my first introduction to the Legion of Super-Heroes, but let's just ASSUME it was.  Let me recycle back to my comment about team books being generally more appealing to single-character stories, because you get to see more heroes in action.  That ALSO applies to teams you may not have heard about in the past!  This issue contains two key struggles against the group of assassins known as the "Dark Circle", along with my generally associated Legion main villain group, the "Fatal Five".  I also believe the book contains a BRIEF guide to some of the Legion members featured in some of the stories.  But I KNOW you also get stories featuring the stellar artwork of Curt Swan, and the beginning of the modern Legion popularity from stories written by Jim Shooter.  Considering there's at LEAST two two-part stories in this collection, we ALSO have another rough "trade paperback" collection of certain stories, which is never a bad thing!

Blue Ribbon Digest #34: This digest was posted by dear friend of the blog, Scott of Married With Clickers , as an evening reading choice of his in a Facebook comic group I'm a member of.  This was also the genesis of this particular entry, because this reminded me how much FUN I had reading this particular digest, and the DC digests in general!  And this book I KNOW was my first introduction to the team of Gold, Tin, Mercury, Lead, Iron, and Platinum, those shape-shifting creations of Doctor William Magnus.  Written by long-time "War Comic" maven of DC, Robert Kanigher, and featuring artwork by the always-exciting Ross Andru, this book is unique in that it only features TWO stories.  But they are VERY dense stories, featuring battles against the Fire Mantis... or I THINK that's what its name was... and that lovable living vat of toxic chemicals, Chemo.  This was the one and only digest dedicated to those beings of the element table, but it was an interesting choice from the usual DC hero listings.  Plus, you also got for free a factoid page about how the metals these "Men" were made of effect us in REAL LIFE!

Blue Ribbon Digest #13: This book is a TEENSY bit of a misdirection.  If you were like me, and saw this cover, your mind was BLOWN!  The DC heroes and villains... in a massive team battle... of BASEBALL?!?  WWWWHHHHOOOOAAAA!!!  And at the very least, the cover copy does not lie, because this particular baseball story IS featured in the digest!  (The villains are notorious cheats, of course, but as you can see, umpire Uncle Sam does not put up with their shenanigans.  This story also gave me first introductions to certain DC villains like Felix Faust, the Huntress, and Sportsmaster.)  But I remember thinking, "Gosh!  I wonder what other superhero sports stories will feature into this digest!".  The answer to that question is... no more super sports stories.  Sigh... I'm not going to slight the stories reprinted from the "Strange Sports Stories" comic series from the early Silver Age of comics, but when you buy a book based on that cover premise, you want EVERY tale to feature cape-and-cowl crowds playing the field!

Blue Ribbon Digest #32: As I mentioned earlier, Superman was the KING of the Digest line!  I believe I once heard he headlined NINE individual issues in the series run.  Many of them featured specific themes, such as adventures of the Daily Planet staff, Superman Vs. various aliens, Superman travels through time... and this collection, which featured Superman's more memorable fisticuffs.  What made this digest so memorable for me was that it featured all-out SLUG-FESTS for Superman and his villains.  I do enjoy stories where the Man of Steel has to use his cleverness and resources to solve a conflict, but sometimes you just want to see Kal-El unleash his strength against a foe that can stand level with him.  And this book presents you with battles against Luthor creation, the Galactic Golem, that undead resident of Slaughter Swamp, Solomon Grundy, the power-leech, Parasite, granulated copy of the Man of Steel, the Sand Superman... and Vartox.  Oh, dear Vartox... You of the excellent chest hair, and SLIGHTLY passing resemblance to Sean Connery from "Zardoz"... How ridiculously awesome you are as a character...

Blue Ribbon Digest #10: This was actually my most recent digest purchase, from about March or April of this year.  Of course, buying digests THESE days from ANY source is going to cost a LOT more than the dollar or so I used to pay for used digests when I was about 12 or 13 years old.  But this was not only a digest I never knew existed, it also bore the distinction that it featured a character I never even knew had even ONE digest dedicated to.  For those not in the know, this details a particular story arc... yes, ANOTHER rough "trade paperback" collection... featuring the heroism of Travis Morgan AKA Warlord, in the time-lost land of Skataris.  "Warlord" was an interesting book in that it combined elements of traditional sword-and-sorcery with some Science Fiction, and creator/writer/artist Mike Grell was also able to push the boundaries of standard code-approved books with this title, featuring many a scantily-clad female companion, along with brutal violence.  In this volume, Warlord comes into conflict with his regular nemesis, Deimos, and even battles against his own SON!  Excellence all around!

Blue Ribbon Digest #31:  Last, but not least, is a proper bookend to my digest discussion, and a follow-up to one of my absolute favorite digests of all time.  This volume was a reprint collection of four stories... two of which were sequential issue sequels... featuring the first introductions of new members to the esteemed Justice League.  Leading off was the story that established Dinah Drake/Black Canary to the group, after being transplanted to Earth One after another JLA/JSA crossover.  This issue also started laying the seeds of the relationship that she would share with one Oliver Queen/Green Arrow.  The two-parter of the digest begins with Ralph Dibny/Elongated Man seeing his election into the teams' membership, and after battling against "Stay-Puff Marshmallow Men" created by the sinister Professor Ivo, the team is saved by a living Red Tornado... after having been blown up REAL good for that "Seven Soldiers" storyline!  After Red Tornado manages to shake himself free of Ivo's scheme, and save the captured team, he is ALSO granted membership into the JLA.  If only an android could cry...  (That sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it?)  Finally, our last featured elected member is Zatanna, which was also her general reintroduction into comics after a mid-60's inter-comic crossover detailing her search for her missing father, the master magician Zatara.  If you don't recognize the mistress of backwards magic words from her appearance... don't feel TOO bad.  Remember that in the 70's and 80's, she was presented in two semi "heroic" costumes, before she was returned to her standard magician's outfit... and lovely fishnet stockings...  WHAT?!?  Anyways, one missed opportunity this book had was if they had waited to publish this volume a few more years, the last new entrant to the "classic" Justice League could have had his election story reprinted in this book... The fusion being of Ronnie Raymond and Professor Martin Stein that is BEST known as Firestorm the Nuclear Man!

Hard Weeks Can Feel Like H'el On Earth

Oy vey... I won't weigh you readers down with the bloody details of this week, but let's just say from Wednesday to Friday, I've probably given myself enough mental and physical stress from work than I probably have these past 6-ish months of unemployment.  I suppose in these cases, you can't win for losing, even if it does result in a paycheck.  Oh well... As my lady keeps telling me, it's just an episode in my life, and I should be able to move on to something "better".  It's kind of funny, because I COULD have written an entry this past Tuesday, since I was scheduled to have that day off.  But I was having a difficult-enough time to schedule my topics for the weekend, alone.  And I should apologize in advance if today's entry, in particular, proves to be "muddled" in execution, since I'm writing this on about 5 hours of sleep, due to an uneasy stomach, trying to ease out my physical aches from the work week, and mental stress from bad dreams.  BUT I will tackle this blog entry, because maybe it will settle my nerves to a degree.  And I hope you all will still enjoy the results!

Today I intend to return to the world of the "New 52" DC Universe.  This graphic novel/story arc was a library book I checked out on the very day I was granted my new job.  I tackled the progression of the story during weekend periods with my girlfriend, whenever she was out to work, or when she was busy with something else.  The "New 52", as I somewhat discussed in my 3-year anniversary entry, has been a mixed bag for long-established characters.  Some, like Batman, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman, were beneficiaries of GREAT creative fortunes in their individual books.  The forefather of the DC Universe... the character that turned 75 years old, as of last year... outside of Grand Morrison's touch on "Action Comics", and supposedly the new Geoff Johns/John Romita Jr. "Action Comics" run, Superman has been rudderless in his creative direction.  It felt like the "Superman" title, itself, was the creative whipping-boy of the DC publishing line.  George Perez... THE George Perez... walked off the title, due to creative differences.  Dan Jurgens... one of the KEY elements of Superman's 90's popularity wave... was poorly utilized as a fill-in creator.  Yes, it felt like DC Comics executive decisions were more deadly to Kal-El than Kryptonite could EVER be.  BUT a crossover event between "Superman", "Supergirl", and "Superboy" sought to give the Kryptonian family circle a 75th birthday bash!  Did... it succeed?

Here's the basic "elevator pitch" for the event.  Superman manages to battle a creature in Metropolis, which ticks Supergirl off REAL bad.  Turns out the creature is Kryptonian in origin.  What occurs next, after some investigation into the creature, is that Superman and Supergirl happen upon Superboy... who is given a MASSIVE whammy by a being claiming to be another Krypton explosion survivor called H'el.  H'el's story... as he tells it... is that he was personally selected by Jor-El to inaugurate space explorations to find a world for Krypton's population to settle on after the impending planetary explosion.  Superman doesn't like the cut of H'el's jib, nor the fact that he evicts Superman from his OWN Fortress of Solitude, or even the fact that apparently H'el is piecing together a device that drains energy from our planet's sun for the purpose of traveling back in time to pull Krypton into Earth's spot.  Humanity?  Gone as the result!  So what about the other Super-Family members?  Superboy has to wear Superman's armored suit, because H'el separated his very genetic clone structure, so that unless he's not protected by the suits defenses, Kon-El's very body will unravel itself.  Supergirl gets MASSIVE fan-girl crushing on the misshapen... but noble... H'el, and couple that with the fact that she's been MISERABLE with her stay on Earth ever since she first arrived, she sees no issue in helping H'el out with his plan.  (They also make time to "suck face", occasionally.  Yeah... That image is not really helping my uneasy tummy at the moment...)  We also spice this mixture up with the threat of an alien herald in the Arctic region that has sounded a horn to alert Galactus... er, I mean "Oracle"... to Earth to judge the entire planet, due to H'el's threat.

Now, let's talk about how each individual title manages to hold up its end of the storytelling.  We begin with "Superman".

"Superman's" end of the crossover was almost the definition of "middle of the road".  On the one hand, Kenneth Rocafort's artwork was EXCELLENT.  He has a great stylistic touch, and I would have been curious how he approached a pre "new 52" version of Superman.  He even gets the bulk of handling other elements to the story, such as depicting the Justice League, and he even gets the ONE major issue where the Clark Kent identity gets an actually great character moment.  So I give a huge thumbs-up for Rocafort's contributions.  As for Scott Lobdell... Y'know, he's an old hand at crossovers.  He was part of the X-Men team during the crossover CRAZY period for the "Merry Mutants" in the 90's.  But the difference between that period, and this event, was that there was FAR better interconnectivity at Marvel than there seemed to have been at DC.  I'm not saying Lobdell did a bad job with his piece of creativity for "H'el on Earth", but you get the feeling he was left trying to piece together hot messes from one SPECIFIC title, in particular, and the effort shows.  But again, I give Lobdell credit for providing us readers with an EXCELLENT Clark Kent moment, an appearance by Lex Luthor that could be seen as a "Hannibal Lecter" riff, but it works, and provides the character of Superman the sense of leadership in this event that he really NEEDED to be effective.

Next up, we're gonna tackle... EASILY... the weak link in the event chain, "Superboy".

I enjoyed Tom DeFalco's Marvel material.  He gave us some EXCELLENT years in "Mighty Thor", and if it weren't for him, "Spider-Girl" wouldn't have even been a "thing" for anyone to follow!  And you get the impression he was brought onto this book to attempt to save a sinking ship.  Because the "Superboy" end of the crossover is pretty AWFUL.  This book was launched by the other side of Scott Lobdell... the one that took a soup of BAD 90's clichés, and scooped it into the genetic mix that created the whiny Kryptonian clone that resulted in Kon-El.  Gone are the glory days of Conner Kent, the character that launched from the original "Reign of the Supermen".  DeFalco is also not helped by the really... REALLY... sub-par artwork by R.B. Silva.  I don't knock on the man, but I cannot help but note that Silva's artwork is... pretty lackluster compared to the "Superman" and "Supergirl" sides of the crossover.  And the character of Superboy is such a drag to read about, that I couldn't care less about his actual fate for the story.  Although I did enjoy the development of his traditional "tactile telekinesis" powers, his entries in the event felt the MOST disconnected of the storyline.  It also didn't help matters that his title featured one Annual crossover issue.  Calling it a "chapter" of the storyline is like calling the author's acknowledgements of an average novel an integral part to the story.  That "Superboy Annual #1" felt like a WHOLE lot of nothing in connection to "H'el on Earth".  Maybe copies of copies really DO turn out faded, after all.

Finally, we have the final book of the crossover event, "Supergirl".

The former writing team of Michael Green and Mike Johnson worked MAGIC from the very start of "Supergirl".  It was amazing that they were able to take a character that would be deemed, in other hands, as supremely unlikable, and made Kara Zor-El sympathetic and EXCITING to read about.  And Mahmud Asrar is a SUPREMELY talented artist, able to tell a story effectively and energetically.  Supergirl's side of the story nails the longing Kara has for the return of Krypton, and the manipulations that H'el lays on her... or is it GENUINE concern for his plans... are engaging.  Plus, Supergirl gets some of the BEST action beats of the crossover, with fun showdowns against the Flash and Wonder Woman.  If you notice my notes aren't as extensive on this end of the crossover, it's because it's hard to keep repeating how GREAT Supergirl as a title has been, up and down.  I suppose I could just write an entire paragraph containing the word "Great", over and over again.

In summation, this event ends up as a VERY uneven mixture.  You can see it's a chowder of one EXCELLENT element, one foundation element that does generally hold, and one piece of bland tofu as another element.  What also doesn't help the story are these key barriers:

• The character of H'el brings me to mind of a generic Japanese role-playing game villain.  He's supposed to be a "sympathetic villain", who is also massively cruel and callous.  His ending is ALSO very JRPG in tone, if you people have spent countless hours on "Final Fantasy", and can catch my drift.
• Why, why, WHY, was the element of Oracle brought up in the story?  Notice I didn't talk about Oracle all that much in ANY of my writings?  That's because that story element DOES NOT MATTER.  Even with the galactic stakes associated, Oracle just is a complete non-factor.
• The story DOES NOT HAVE AN ENDING!  SERIOUSLY!!!  We get a kinda-ending, but the event actually lead into a sequel event, "Return to Krypton".  I've not read that one yet, because of two reasons.  1. As far as I know, it has not been traded as of yet.  2. Do I REALLY want to revisit the ramifications of this event?

All in all, for people that were VIOLENTLY opposed to Zach Snyder's "Man of Steel", I feel even they could concede that that film made for a better birthday gift for Superman than "H'el on Earth" turned out to be.  My recommendation?  Read from the library, as I did, and judge for yourself.  But I would NOT recommend you rush out to buy the single issues or graphic novel collection.  Fer cripes' sake, that money could go to a nice dinner!

 

Marvel Anarchy In The U.K.

No personal preamble for today, thankfully for you readers.  I mean, I GUESS I could publically state that ice cream parlors around where my girlfriend lives are utter WUSSES about the season!  Seriously, while I could eat ice cream year 'round... and often do... there's NO REASON to call the start of the "Fall Closing Season" at the beginning half of September.  Grow a backbone, people!  Sigh...  Anyways, off to today's topic, which is a trip across the pond to visit a particular creative branch of the "House of Ideas" I eagerly explored during my late 90's periods!

Marvel Comics in the United Kingdom was not a new concept by the arrival of their original "Marvel UK" material in the 1990's.  In fact, according to the ever-wise Wikipedia... and in their episode about a British Spider-Man story, a podcast called Hey Kids, Comics! ... Marvel Comics from the United States were the FIRST American comics to be somewhat regularly reprinted through various companies in the U.K. since 1969.  But again, those were reformatted reprints of material that had already existed.  In due time, across the late 70's, original material from England began being published alongside their standard U.S. reprint fare, with original "Star Wars" stories, a "Doctor Who" comic series, and maybe best known as a vanguard character for the U.K. expansion, Captain Britain.  One could even lay claim that the REAL seeds of the 90's "Marvel U.K." development were begun when "Transformers" became a British exclusive title... after interest in the toy and cartoon line waned in the U.S... and writer Simon Furman introduced a new character to the cannon, the cybernetic bounty hunter, Death's Head.

In 1990, the Marvel U.K. editor-in-chief, Paul Neary, was tasked by their American investors to create a new division of characters for possible stateside expansion.  Thus was born "Marvel U.K.".  The unique thing about Marvel U.K., as a whole, was how drastically tonally different it was to the standard American Marvel product.  For a majority of their titles, they had a decidedly Sci-Fi/Fantasy bent over traditional superhero adventures.  And sadly, despite MANY talented creators... and some "okay" creators... and their efforts to spice up their Marvel contributions with "And now for something completely different", the "Marvel U.K." line uniformly withered and died as early as 1994.  (Though I SWEAR I saw materials advertising a revamping of many popular characters from the Marvel U.K. Universe around 2012 or so.  If anyone wishes to "school" this "fool" on that creative initiative, just lemme know via a comment to the blog!)  But for those four years of existence, I had dipped my toes into many various pools of Marvel U.K. creativity, and I wish to discuss some of my travels with you!  So let's start at the beginning!

Death's Head II: Dr. Evelyn Necker... NICE name... created a robotic assassin code-named Minion, and tasked it with destroying the original Death's Head machine.  Minion succeeded, but handy-dandy personality assimilation allowed for the spirit of Death's Head to live on in his new Minion body.  Welcome to the world a bouncing baby Death's Head II.  I was introduced to the character via a four-issue mini-series that not only helped establish many of the Marvel U.K. concepts... connections with a corporation known as the Mys-Tech group..., also not only setting into place the figurehead status of Death's Head II in association with Marvel U.K., but ALSO setting the unfortunate template of TRYING to cross over the Marvel U.S. characters as often as possible into their series to generate added sales.  I mean, it DID technically work with "Death's Head II", because his story was set in an alternative future timeline, for the most part.  And his initial mission of assassinating Reed "Mr. Fantastic" Richards did help establish the overriding of the Death's Head personality.  But as we all know from practically EVERY title that Marvel published in the 90's, if you want to "drum up" sales, Wolverine had to show up MORE than a few times.   But being a character that was meant to be to Marvel U.K. what Spider-Man was for Marvel U.S., I SUPPOSE he was the most successful of the lot, having a four-issue mini-series, a sixteen issue "ongoing" series, and an intended quarterly title that only lasted one issue called "Death's Head II Gold" to his credit.  And he did generate another title I will be discussing in a few.  But I also have to give "Death's Head II" credit for giving me an introduction to the writing stylings of Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, along with the AWESOME artwork of Liam Sharp! 

Motormouth/And Killpower

If you took the power-set of Black Canary, placed them as a cybernetics-enhancement into a teenaged street urchin with a nasty mouth on her, and later teamed her up with a genetically enhanced super-soldier who is LITERALLY only a child in chronological age and mentality named Killpower, and you have the dimension-spanning adventures of the gutter-mouthed Motormouth.  Her comic span lasted twelve "ongoing" issues, and she did manage to cross over into many of the major "Marvel U.K. events, of which I shall discuss later on.  Her dimension-hopping was due to a pair of sneakers that matched her DNA pattern for activation.  And I'd say Motormouth's series was the more "post apocalyptic" of the "Marvel U.K." titles I read, with her often dealing with the grittier sides of their universe.  And her power-set involved a microchip installed into her body that would make her "verbal assaults" into literal concussive blasts from her mouth.  If memory serves me right, Wolverine did NOT show up in her book as a guest, but the title did feature various U.S. luminaries such as Nick Fury, the Punisher, and another "hot" mutant of the time, Cable.  But what made "Motormouth" a title of note for me was that it was the first time I was exposed to the artwork of Gary Frank.  I MAY have seen his work on "Incredible Hulk" around the same time, but I still more closely associate my being aware of his stylings in this particular title.

Black Axe:

I sadly have VERY little recollection of a lot of this book, aside from being fooled by the cover art into thinking that John Romita Jr. was actually going to be a regular artist on the title.  Plus, that GIGANTIC cyber-axe look AWESOME!  But I remember distinctly that when I opened the cover of that first issue... the artwork was utter slop, and the character didn't prove to be very memorable at all.  According to my internet research, Black Axe was a twist on the "Immortal Warrior" concept, having existed throughout all of mankind's major conflicts, and adapting to the times.  Apparently Black Axe couldn't adapt to his own title without a first-issue appearance by Death's Head II, and he couldn't survive the conflict of being a rather lame title that lasted only seven issues.

Death's Head II/Killpower: Battle Tide

Are you all ready for gratuitous fighting and guest appearances?!?  Then face the demonic embodiment of warfare and vengeance, as it threatens to envelop the universe in TWO mini-series that happen to feature the tag team of the former Minion and the pre-teen super being, along with appearances by Hercules, Hulk, Wolverine, Psylocke, AND Sabretooth!  In a way, the concept of the "Battle Tide" is kind of similar to the "Warworld" concepts that would be refined in the Post-Crisis "Superman" books.  The demonic force would recruit various aliens it encounters, and pits them against each other in galactic gladiatorial battles to determine which combatants would be strong enough to form a conquering army.  I was never wholly actively aware that there were two SEPARATE mini-series, because the publishers didn't provide any cover copy delineating any series difference.  But as a whole, for a round of mindless action and brawling, I really enjoyed... well... WHATEVER "Battle Tide" mini-series I actually read.

Death's 3

With Death's Head II being the Marvel U.K. "superstar", the attempts to expand his brand were many.  Aside from this title, which involved Dr. Necker... huh-huh... developing two separate assassin cyborgs named Death Metal and Death Wreck, the former being a "T-1000-esque" being and the latter a misshapen brute of a machine, there was another two-issue series using Death's Head II to introduce a character called Die-Cut.  Picture a humanoid bald male in a MASSIVE power-suit with a circular saw hand appendage, and you have Die-Cut to a tee!  I bring up these series as an example of how Death's Head II was intended to be a springboard to a wider universe containing his creative "seeds". 

Last, but not least, we shall discuss Marvel U.K.'s premiere "event" that featured universe-wide interaction with their American brothers!

The Mys-TECH Wars

The Mys-TECH Company board leaders were made up of a grouping of seven immortal mages, that sold their souls to Mephisto... y'know, the breaker of solid Marvel Universe marriages... for their power and agelessness.  They first were properly introduced to the Marvel U.K. line in a series called "Warheads", but their tendrils touched EVERY character that had a lasting foundation in the universe.  The events of the Mys-TECH Wars involved their progressing their global domination schedule with an assistance of a demonic army, and the opposing force consisting of all the Marvel U.K. heroes, along with a GOOD cross-section of Marvel U.S. characters!  (I believe the key to their involvement in the conflict is the use of Nick Fury as a sacrifice to the demonic army the Mys-TECH board wishes to summon.)  As with many of the Marvel U.K. titles, this book introduced me to another artist that would achieve later fame.  You may, or may not have, heard of a lil' someone by the name of Bryan Hitch, who drew all four issues of the mini-series.  And like most Marvel events, at the conclusion, the universe is set right after MASSIVE heroic sacrifices are made, and all memory of the cataclysm are wiped from the participants, outside of a handful.  Le, sigh...






  

Catching Gals In His Spider Web...

TECHNICALLY I could have resumed a somewhat daily schedule, this past week, of posting.  I'm actually amazed that the most rough day I had at work was just Monday, solely.  (That's not just because of a solid work injury, or two separate rejections for other employment opportunities, or the loss of my parents' sweet cat, Smoky.  RIP, lil' buddy...)  But I think, mentally, while I still hold this job, I want to make sure that I keep to a weekend schedule, JUST IN CASE I have another stretch of days that just totally wipe me out.  But hopefully before year's end, I can reach my 100th. post.  And for that post, all of you faithful readers will have the chance to enter a contest that will net you a winning package of goodies so GREAT, Richie Rich will look on with envy.  (Or maybe he just does that because I will never, ever, EVER write an entry about him.  Sorry, folks, but those Harvey Comics characters never did anything for my reading tastes...)

So this Saturday's entry brings you a profile on a character's various relationships.  I remember on my first episode of the short-lived "Gentleman's Guide to Comics" group podcast, I listed this particular character as my number one favorite.  Certain factors... shifting interests in other "Top 5" characters, shifting qualities in the stories I've dug further into featuring the character, and the realize that I can't always deal with a character that's EQUAL to my own professional successes... have changed that regard, but there's no denying the linking character I talk about will still hold a fond regard in my thoughts.  We all generally associate him as the archetypical "underdog" hero.  The one put upon by great power, great responsibility, and drastic twists of fate.  But one thing we keep forgetting is his amazingly GRAND luck with attracting ladies!  Yeah... Having attractive women constantly walk into one's life is a pretty "lousy hand", eh, Mister Parker?  So today, I'll be talking about the various experiences I've had reading about the women in Spider-Man's life!

1. Betty Brant

 I'm trying to remember if she was technically the second or third "Spidey-Gal" I encountered from my readings, but she was one of the first steady women in Peter Parker's life.  When Peter became a regular fixture at the Daily Bugle, he began laying the foundations for interest in the fetching "cougar-kitten" secretary of J. Jonah Jameson.  I say "cougar-kitten", because TECHICALLY Betty was an older woman than Peter Parker, but I'm guessing it was more along the lines of being 4-6 years older.  (So her partially dating Peter while he was still in high school isn't so blatantly creepy in that regard.)  What was she like as a partner for Peter?  Well... She tended to be rather ditzy... but let's be honest: Stan Lee was NEVER great at writing level-headed females.  After her brother perished in a battle between Spider-Man and the Scorpion, she often voiced her hatred towards the Friendly Neighborhood Wall-crawler, so that secret identity wasn't a great thing to reveal.  It also didn't help that Aunt May Parker... AKA the SOURCE OF ALL SPIDER-MAN EVILS... constantly hassled Betty.  I'm betting this pressure led to her suddenly "finding" Ned Leeds to enter her life.  Weird that they went off to Europe to elope, then took nearly TEN REAL LIFE YEARS to actually marry.  But hey, love works in mysterious ways.  But it's not like Betty exited Peter's life completely.  When Ned died as part of the whole "Hobgoblin" situation, she began extending her magic typing fingers towards Peter.  When Peter's clone, Ben Reilly, became part of a VASTLY OVERLONG saga, she figured if she couldn't ensnare the genuine article, why not go for the Xerox version of her romantic endeavors?  I DO know she survived into the "Brand New Day" era of Spider-Man, but I don't think she's nearly as integral in Peter Parker's life.  But if memory serves me correctly, she DID start up a fling with Flash "New Venom/Coke" Thompson.  Symbiotic webs snare the ladies just as effectively, methinks...

2. Gwen Stacy

You just knew it was going to be a "snap" to mention Gwen Stacy as a part of Peter Parker's life.  (Bad taste?)  Again, she was still NOT the first "Spider-Lady" I encountered.  Plus... and to be fully honest... the main piece of Spider-Man history that she occupied for MANY years of my life was the event of her death.  Even after having read her earlier appearances before she perished during the climatic battle between Spider-Man and the Norman Osborne "Green Goblin"... this may sadly still remain the most memorable moment of her character in my regards.  I believe it's when Peter Parker enters college that he first crosses paths with the head-banded one... and under the pen/co-plotting of Steve Ditko, she began her life MUCH more harsh than most fans would remember.  (But I guess if you're a classmate/friend with Harry Osborne, who was MUCH more of a obnoxious jerk for his first introduction, you'd be a bit of an "Ice Queen" in temperament.)  But there was something about the character of Peter Parker that attracted Gwen Stacy.  Alas, the curse of being Spider-Man causes complications in Peter's relationships, because after her father... Captain George Stacy... died while saving a child in the middle of a Spider-Man/Doctor Octopus battle, she garnered the Spidey-Loathing sense.  But until another character we shall discuss took up the romantic spotlight of Peter's intentions, Gwen Stacy was potentially the most committed relationship Peter Parker had established before her death.  The implications even went so far as to suggest he was going to pop the engagement question to her!  Gwen's post-death legacy is rather... complicated.  She served as a clone, a "floating head of guilt", and most disgustingly, an apparent fling for Norman Osborne to help sire two children that took up the "Goblin" legacy.  Ugh... I feel a bit of bile rising in my mouth over that.  But apparently Gwen Stacy will be returning... AGAIN... only this time as a legit "Spider-Woman" for an upcoming Spider-Man crossover.  I'm still finding myself annoyed that writers can NEVER seem to let Gwen Stacy rest in everlasting peace for TOO long, but oh well...  At least she looks REALLY cool in her new Spider-Person costume!

3. Felicia Hardy

I became aware of Felicia Hardy/Black Cat in a weirdly roundabout way.  I DID know vaguely of the Black Cat's existence in the Marvel Universe, because the time period I started reading the book, she was engaged in a relationship with Flash Thompson as a spite-dating situation to make Peter Parker jealous.  (Man... For a guy that started off as a Parker bully, you can't help but feel BAD for the fact that Flash is sort of "sloppy seconds" for all of Peter's ex-girlfriends!)  But I started learning more about her character in a slightly altered form through the 1990's FOX Kids "Spider-Man" animated series.  And it was latter "Essential" volumes of the "Spider-Man" titles that I started learning the comic origins of Felicia Hardy.  Felicia is different from practically ALL of the women that will be listed in this entry, because while she LOATHED the concept of Peter Parker, she wanted a relationship with SPIDER-MAN!  That's right, she was the only woman in Peter's life that wanted to be exclusively involved with his heroic identity!  She's also a solid Spider-Friend, through their many relationship ups-and-downs, with her luck altering powers that she received through Wilson Fisk's scientific plotting.  After she was THRASHED in a three-way battle between Spider-Man, Doctor Octopus, and The Owl, Peter decided that he couldn't deal with her placing herself in the middle of every one of his conflicts, and risking her life.  Plus, the fact that he picked up on the "Kingpin" connection, and how Peter was growing weary of a relationship where he really couldn't be himself, and it was a ticket to Splitsville!  But to this very date, Black Cat has been a part of Peter Parker's many twists and turns in life, even if I do believe she is still in an adversarial position from the time that Peter's body was taken over by Doctor Octopus, and the way that Peter layethed the smackdown on Black Cat during that time span.  Remember, fellas, hell hath no fury, and all that...

4. Deb Whitman

Deb, Deb, Deb...  I became aware of her... either through Essential volumes of "Web of Spider-Man" or "Spectacular Spider-Man".  But she was around during the period where the woman we MOST associate with Peter Parker was out of the picture, Gwen was long departed, and Felicia was busy being her flighty self.  But if we all thought the Black Cat was the unlucky lady that crossed Peter's path... we had not yet met a fellow student advisor at Empire State University named Deb Whitman.  I liken her to the one MAJOR "doormat" of Peter's life.  You see, whenever Peter had to split for Spider-Business, she would go on these mental trips of self-doubt of her importance to Peter's life, and his willingness to establish a relationship to her.  Of course, she never TALKED about any of this with Peter Parker.  Because that would make perfect sense as adults in a COMIC BOOK WORLD.  Nope, she just kept internalizing these doubts.  But until a latter ret-con for a character we're STILL GETTING TO... be patient... Deb was the character that was the most close to piecing together the Peter Parker and Spider-Man connection.  But with great knowledge comes... great mental breakdowns, and separations from the stress she feels that Peter Parker causes in her life?  As if that weren't enough, during the time period where Peter Parker revealed his identity to the world in the wake of "Civil War", Deb Whitman must've decided to emerge from her neurotic shell as a vengeful Valkyrie of the pen, publishing a novel about her time in a relationship with Peter Parker as a personal attack against this revelation.  Gee... Taking things a bit too hard, aren't we, Debby?  But then again, maybe it was for the best that Peter Parker didn't have to deal with Deb Whitman reaching that sort of boiling point in an active relationship status!

5. Carlie Cooper

"Brand New Day".  Brand new girl.  Semi-same issues Peter had with Deb Whitman, only with a woman that was less neurotic, and more hinging along being aggressively psychotic.  But at least after the "Spider-Island" event, Carlie became more of a tolerable character... after she split with Peter Parker.  But she was yet ANOTHER lady in the chain of "like Peter Parker, had NO use for Spider-Man" relations.  One factor she did have over the other ladies was that, due to her law enforcement position, Carlie was more than capable of taking care of herself.  (She does earn added points for attempting to gain a position in a roller derby team.  I'm sorry, but I will ALWAYS have a soft spot for "Derby Dolls".  You ladies rock!)  Her major relationship failing was that, remember all the issues Deb Whitman internalized?  Well, Carlie was not shy in EXTERNALIZING her issues with Peter Parker in many shouting matches.  ... Solid relationship foundations, eh?  But after she gained Spider-Powers, like the rest of New York, then lost them after the Spider-Queen's machinations failed, Peter was taken to task by Carlie about his involvement with Spider-Man, and she was not satisfied with his explanations, and another relationship bites the dust.  She DID, however, continue on as a participant during the "Superior Spider-Man" period, with her deductive reasonings tingling from the changes in Peter's personality.  That tends to happen when you're being controlled by one of your most deadly adversaries in Doctor Octopus.

6. Mary Jane Watson/Parker

Joe Quesada be damned: to my reckonings, despite all retroactive continuity developments, for my time of reading the "Spider-Man" titles, Mary Jane Watson will ALWAYS be the definitive Spider-Man woman.  And what an interesting path she took to become such a solid part of Peter's life.  (Before editorial mandates and Mephisto arrangements altered that... *Wet fart noise*)  She began as a mystery woman that Aunt May was constantly trying to set Peter up with.  At least she was a TOTAL mystery when Steve Ditko was involved with "Amazing Spider-Man", so much so that we never saw her face!  But when "Jazzy" John Romita Sr. stepped up as regular Spider-Artist, we found out that Peter Parker DID hit the jackpot with this red-headed tiger!  However, she had a LOT of personal growth to achieve over the years, with her starting off creative life as a go-getter party girl with utterly INSANE "hip" dialogue.   It took the death of Gwen Stacy for Mary Jane to begin being transitioned into a romantic interest for Peter Parker.  And even THEN she had to walk away to "find herself" after one marriage proposal from Peter.  But after things with the Black Cat and Deb Whitman fell through, Mary Jane returned from her global sojourn to become a whole and stable woman, and after much discussions, we entered the 1987 much-publicized wedding of Peter and Mary Jane.  Spider-Man tied the KNOT!  HOLY COW!!!  And for nearly 20 years, with some hiccups in the middle of things, Peter and Mary were THE solid couple of comic-dom!  Their relationship survived threats to Mary's life from Peter's Spider-Man existence, a pregnancy and miscarriage, and the supposed death of Mary Jane.  (It was more of a disappearance, and a REALLY stupid story at that.  John Byrne may generally be a great artist, but no denying that his late 90's and early 2000's writing was... bizarre at best.)  "One More Day" ended Peter's sweet existence, but even since the start of the "Brand New Day" era, Mary Jane has never been far from Peter's life.